I do not like them, Sam I am.

Would you like them in a blog?

I would not like them in a blog.

Would you like them in a vlog?

I would not like them in a vlog.

Would you like them in a vook?

I would not like them in a vook. What are you, some kind of kook?

No, I am not some kind of kook. A vook is a new kind of book.

Could I buy this vook on Woot?

Yes, of course this vook’s on Woot.

Then that is something I will tweet.

Oh, how sweet that you will tweet;

Please tweet it out and all about.

And I will download this for free:

Green eggs and ham for you and me.

I wonder which book was just too good to put down…

(Yes, we realize this has nothing to do with books, but wanted to make you smile on Monday morning.)

Also of note here is that “haste yee back” is often in our top 10 search terms. Haste Yee Back is one of our most consistent commenters — and I have to say, always with a smile on his face, he’s got something sweet to say (Love you Haste Yee ).

Nerd Boyfriend brings you the fabulously dorky/cool looks of iconic figures with links to where you can get the pieces of the pictured outfits.  With or without his white suit, Twain (ahem, Sam Clemens) sure knows how to dress, and the Nerd Boyfriend blog will point you to the right place if you ever feel like rocking a skinny bowtie or frock coat.  George Washington Cable is also bringin’ it, so start taking notes.

Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections…and computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.  – Michael Scott

HarperStudio is stunned by the number of people taking their April Fool’s post seriously. As a result, they are now considering moving forward with some aspects of the program, though of course the free lunch part will depend on Seth Godin and Chris Anderson’s willingness and availability…

1. We spent an enormous amount of our first few weeks as a group buying and then rejecting a series of coffee machines.

2. Our copier breaks down an average of ten times a day.

3. Our working title for a book with Heifer International, suggested by Julia, was “For the Love of a Cow.”

4. We are trying to eat more healthfully, but Katie’s mother keeps sending us See’s Candies from California, which we polish off within seconds of arrival.

5. Debbie always has her laptop in front of her, even during meetings. She is capable of sending as many as fifty e-mails during a half-hour conversation.

6. Despite allegedly representing futuristic publishing, Bob has others post his blogs and only recently learned how to copy and paste.

7. Sarah Burningham could give Martha Stewart a run for her money

8. We prefer yelling down the hall to meetings.

9. Katie Salisbury speaks Chinese.

10. After working on Green Porno with Julia our intern Yitz said “I’ve never had to write the word penis so many times in my life.” 

11. Ezra Miller has been known to call Julia “J-Rod”

12. Debbie’s office is unofficially called “the clubhouse”

13. At HS Twitter is a noun, a verb, and a way of life.

14. For Christmas, Bob baked from scratch, hundreds of little gingerbread loaves for all of our colleagues and authors; Sarah and Katie wrapped them up like little elves; Julia and Debbie did nothing but sheepishly say “you’re welcome” to all those who thanked us.

15. We eat most lunches in the office (aka “the clubhouse.” See #12) — but try to invite one new interesting person up every day to dine with us. For many months we ordered the same thing from the same place: ‘Wichcraft. We’ve just started to venture beyond the ‘Wich.

16. We have 3 fabulous interns who work for college credit: Yitz, Kathryn, and Martha.

17. Before we started our blog we spent a month sending each other practice blog posts. Debbie’s posts often got vetoed by Bob. Bob’s were too long at the beginning — but now we call him Blogger Bob because he’s got the hang of it. Sarah and Julia’s were always perfect.

18. Before we post a blog, we email it to each other and all hold hands and agree that it’s ok to post.

19. We’ve just moved into new offices – still on the 26th floor – which means this is Debbie’s 4th office at HarperCollins, Bob’s 3rd, Julia’s 3rd and Sarah’s 4th.

20. Debbie has become the office online “news” master and often knows about breaking news before the news-breakers themselves.

21. Bob tells us that he plays the cello, but we’ve never actually seen it.

22. Katie loves PIX. And DAM. And Telescope. And CDW. All of which are separate systems to route various elements of each book.

23. Sarah and the web developer don’t even introduce themselves on the phone anymore. They talk that much.

24. Katie is the floor fire warden, and Debbie is the “bathroom checker” in case of emergency.

25. Bob is obsessively on time. The rest of us aren’t. Therefore we usually go to meetings separately.

Are you neurotic? Send in your neuroses to: iamneurotic@gmail.com

 
This person can’t pour milk into their coffee unless the coffee is swirling

This person has to put exactly 12 chocolate chips on each cookie

photo credit: Matt Stacey

There’s one essay titled “Whenever I am About to Publish a Book” in which Twain explains how, before he publishes a book, he always reads the manuscript to “a private group of friends, composed as follows:

1. Man and woman with no sense of humor.

2. Man and woman with medium sense of humor.

3. Man and woman with prodigious sense of humor.

4. An intensely practical person.

5. A sentimental person.

6. A person who must have a moral in, and purpose.

7. Hypercritical person.

8. Enthusiast

9. Person who watches the others, and applauds or condemns with the majority.

10. Half a dozen bright young girls and boys, unclassified.

11. Person who relishes slang, and familiar flippancy.

12. Person who detest them.

13. Person of evenly balanced judicial mind.

14. Man who always goes to sleep.

Market research is one of the ways we want to use our blog. We’ve watched with interest as authors have increasingly been using the internet in the same way that Mark Twain used this group. So, in the spirit of Mark Twain, we’re doing some market research for his next publication.

Here are two possible jackets for WHO IS MARK TWAIN? by Mark Twain. Let us know what you think.

Turns out some people think Mark Twain would have loved blogging too.

Debbie