Some kids, disorganized or not, don’t do well answering a question immediately.  I know many adults who fall into this category too.  I remember when my teacher, Sr. Dominic, would randomly ask students question in class. I was so focused on my anxiety about becoming a “chosen one” and getting the answer wrong that I could never understand what she was asking me.  We do have to take into account that this was about 30 some odd years ago, when Catholic school was …well how should I put it…. Strict.  ( I could feel the ghost of Sr. Dominic hovering over me as I thought of an appropriate adjective)

My point is, there are still many kids who feel intimidated in the classroom and are worried about getting called on by teacher.  I had one of my clients express that he too was so worried about getting selected to answer the question that he couldn’t “hear’ what the teacher was asking.  Imagine the embarrassment of a tween giving an answer to a question that doesn’t make sense.  They’re mortified!

I suggest to many of my parents to ask the teachers of these somewhat anxious or slow processing kids, to give the kids an advanced warning of the question.  For example,” Jimmy, I want you to think about the causes of WWII for a minute and I’ll come back to you in a few minutes.”   I love this strategy and only wished that Sr. Dominic had used this in her God fearing class.  Kids will have the time to think about their answers and not be put on the spot.  If they don’t know that answer, they can ask the teacher for more time to think about it.  One of the goals of the class is not to answer questions as if you’re on Jeopardy but to participate at your speed.

Often students will mimic teachers or administrators in a flip manner, “ Watch your behavior in school, you don’t want any blemishes on your permanent record!”. Parents and students alike don’t really ask what the permanent record contains and why it’s important.

Let me shed some light in this. The permanent record holds academic information about students. This usually includes, report cards, progress notes, standardize testing, and any disciplinary actions taken against the student for certain behaviors. If your child has been suspended for any reason, it will be recorded in the permanent record file.

So what’s the big deal about this permanent record? Once the student goes off to college, who really cares about it? Let’s back up a bit and look at the stage right before going to college- the college application process. Before the guidance counselor or dean of the school completes the high school portion of the college application, he /she will look into the student’s permanent record for more information about the student. What many parents do NOT know is that on all high school sections of the college applications, there is a statement requesting information about any disciplinary actions taken against the student. Yes…any disciplinary actions against the student while in high school. If the answer is yes, the colleges will ask for an explanation of the incident from the school and student. I don’t have to spell it out for you that this situation doesn’t make the student seem like an attractive candidate for a college. Some schools are very vague in their answers to the question while others will be very direct.

The lesson in all this…..do not dismiss the information in your permanent record. Suspension is a concern, even if it is for chronic tardiness. Colleges find this to be an apprehension when considering the student for admission into their institution. If a student has been suspended, they need to do some soul searching to explain their behavior and how they have rectified the situation. Showing a college that you have learned from your mistakes, will help prove that you are a worthy candidate to their school.

I gave a lecture last night to parents of school age children in Westchester, NY. Fter I gave a brief description of the disorganized child and the three organizing styles, the audience broke out into groups according to the grade level of their children. They were instructed to write pertinent questions they may have regarding organizing their child to discuss in the groups.

As I walked around to observe the groups, I was fascinated yet not completely surprised that the underlying theme among all grade levels was motivation. Parents were struggling on how to get their children motivated to complete homework, projects, or any task at hand. Some parents needed help on how to get their child to just start the task.

I take the stance that children who appear unmotivated usually are feeling overwhelmed. In the situations discussed last night, it appeared that the children may be overwhelmed by the amount of homework they have.

Parents need to help their children chunk the homework or projects. For some children, parents may need to chunk the assignments into smaller tasks if their child is very overwhelmed. Keep in mind that the goal is to complete the assignment. Some parents raised the issue of smaller chunks creating more of a visual overload for the child. In these cases, some parents may have to only give the child a only few tasks at a time.

The motivation factor is the feeling of success the child will gain when the task is completed. Sometimes it’s that simple. Test it out. Give a child small chunks of a difficult task and watch the confidence build and a smile appear! Nothing like to feeling of accomplishment.

Many parents of high school students often tell me that they walk a thin line between assisting their disorganized child and enabling him/her. I empathize with these parents since that line can be very fine. However, when a disorganized child struggles to find the strategies and techniques that work for him, parents need to step in and loan their child some executive functioning.

What am I talking about? Well, if your very disorganized high school student is having a difficult time handing in homework, there is nothing wrong with either following up with the teacher to check in on the homework OR checking in with the student to make sure he put his homework in a folder /binder where he’ll remember it. Until organizing strategies have been embedded in the students, the adults will have to be involved.

Now is the time to check out the pros and cons of your child organizing system . What does his progress report indicate about homework being handed in on time or assignments missing? Is there a note about inconsistent effort? If so, take note.
Investigate the comments and ask the teachers for details. Do not rely solely on your child’s interpretation of why “comments” were made on the progress report. Sometimes there is a miscommunication between the teacher and student AND/OR student and agenda book!

We are embarking on the full swing of school. Our kids have a few tests and quizes underneath them, we’ve started the new class projects and some of us, sadly, have received some progress reports letting us know that our child may be struggling in school.
Let’s get right to the point. Yes, money is tight for most of us. The new curriculum in most schools seems so foreign, especially the math.
Assuming the role of “tutor” for your child, can sometimes ignite a war.

How do you handle the situations? I suggest to man parents to contact the local high school and ask for the teacher who is mentoring the National Honor Society. Students who are inducted into this Honoe Society, need to complete service hours. Ask the teacher if the students can tutor your child. It’s a great way for the high school students to received their hours and for your child to get tutored for free!

Lately my phone calls have been increasing from parents wanting to know how to get their kids moving to complete their homework and studying. It’s been my experience that kids avoid or procrastinate because of feeling overwhelmed by the school work. Many kids aren’t aware of this overwhelming feeling and often cannot label it. They’ll just say, “I don’t know why I can’t do it. I just can’t” Parents become frustrated resulting in many occasions dubbing their child as LAZY!

Our book screams the message that your child is NOT lazy!!! There is a reason why your child shuts down, moves to another activity, or avoids the task all together.

As the parent, I want you to think about this. When you tell a child to complete ALL of his homework by dinner time, your child interprets the word “ALL” as completely encompassing. In their minds, it’s as if you are asking them to complete the entire curriculum before dinner. It is this sense of exaggeration, that shifts the child to procrastination.

Change the language and you change the interpretation. If you split the assignments into doable 20 minute tasks with breaks in between, your child can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The homework becomes less of an avoidance because now it is manageable. They no longer feel like it’s the entire curriculum that needs to be completed. Don’t use words like “ all, entire, everything, and must” and replace with “most, try, and comfortable”. The key to this approach is that the child feels empowered and encouraged to complete the task at hand.

We suspect that your child already senses that something is wrong. She already knows that her grades aren’t very good. She already knows that she is fighting with her parents over homework and incomplete assignments. She already is resentful that there isn’t enough free time. So, bringing up the topic is not likely to be earth-shattering news to your child. In fact, a calm conversation about the issue might even come as a relief—certainly better than being yelled at, again. The keys to successfully introducing the topic of organization will be to stay calm, listen to your child, and stay positive

Just had my “back to school” night at the middle school where my two kids are attending. I’m a veteran at these events, having been a middle school and high school guidance counselor in my past life.
I’m always amazed at the number of parents who storm their child’s teachers on this night. This is the worst time to discuss an issue you have about your child. This poor teacher is focused on her/his presentation, trying to make a good impression, and apeasing the 80 or so parents he/she will be speaking in front of. Confronting a teacher on this night will not serve you nor your child well. I’m not saying that the teacher is going to ignore you; she/he may not give you 100 % of their attention.
If you have something important to share with your child’s teacher, write it in an email or ask when would be a convenient time for the both of you to speak. This will ensure that your child’s teacher will give you the full attention you will need when speaking about your child.

Besides the binders, many teachers request notebooks for each subject. The variety of notebooks offered today can be overwhelming. We often hear parents say, “I stood in the supply store in front of a sea of different styles of notebooks: single subject, three subject, spiral, marble composition, some with folders, and some without. I couldn’t decide.” So, let’s look at each.

Marble

Remember the plain black and white marble design notebook with the pages stitched into the covers that us baby boomers used in school? That’s the marble notebook. Teachers like these notebooks for young students because of their durability. Students cannot tear pages out of these notebooks as easily as the spiral, and the hard cover makes for a longer lasting book. Young students who are more visual may like the wider spaced lines in these notebooks.

Wider spaced notebook lines will give the student who struggles with penmanship a wider area to write.

Spiral

There are enough varieties of spiral notebooks to make your head spin. They come in single, double, or three subject notebooks. The spiral notebook can be useful for students whose classes require more note-taking, especially in the middle and upper school.

Some spiral notebooks use folders inserted between the pages to indicate where the subjects are divided. We don’t encourage actually using these folders. Rather, the 2-pocket folder we’ve already described in other posts, in the appropriate subject binder is sufficient. Using the notebook folders can just add to the confusion of lost items. Keep it simple!