The other morning I was invited to do an interview over breakfast at the home of a shopkeeper whom I had already interviewed several times at his work, a trendy, four-story Kabul department store selling elaborately beaded dresses from India ranging in price from $200 to well over $1000. Brides often come with their families to choose one of several outfits which will be worn during what are usually two days of wedding celebrations.

After my generous host wheeled out a delicious continental buffet of chai, naan bread, yoghurt, and cherry jam from Iran, we spoke of his family; he has four children, three of whom were toddlers during the fighting which took place in the country’s north during the Taliban years. He then asked me whether I was married, to which my mischievous colleague, who also serves as my guide and chaperone here, answered, “Yes, she is. Ask her how many people were at her wedding!”

My mild-mannered host looked at me with an expression that formed a question mark, compelling me to elaborate. Yes, I answered, I was married about a year ago. And we had 18 people at the wedding.

“18?” Disbelief and laughter followed. He shook his head and marveled that the number was only double-digit — and low double-digits at that. “Do you know that Afghan weddings are usually at least 1000 people? A small wedding here would be 500 or so guests.”

Now I was in awe. I had heard for years about big and marvelously fun Afghan weddings with music and food and an overflow of family and friends. But 1000 seemed an extraordinarily large number.

“Oh, yes,” said my host. “1000 at least; sometimes much more. And you have to feed all those people!” This means ordering sacks and sacks of sugar and rice and vegetables and meat weeks ahead of time; no big-box super stores here to turn to for last-minute supplies. Over-sized party sites large enough to fit thousands and featuring glamorous monickers such as “Kabul-Paris Wedding Hall” are serious — and lucrative — business here in the capital.

“But that must cost a fortune,”I asked. “How does anyone afford it? In the States weddings are quite expensive; that is part of why people try to limit the guest list. Five hundred people is an enormous wedding in America!”

Weddings are very expensive here, too, said my host. Too expensive. My colleague agreed. People save up for years to afford them. And sometimes the price of a wedding stops the marriage from happening at all. In Kabul, weddings can run upwards of $10,000 to $15,000. An unmanageably large sum for most.

Still, he said, 18 people was too small! If I wanted to have a more affordable wedding with everyone I wished to invite, I should come to Kabul. For the same cost as my small, State-sized nuptials, I could have 1500 people and lots of good food and music here in Afghanistan. Never mind that I am in my mid-30s, well beyond the usual age for marriage here.

“Next time!” I joked, knowing that most Afghans do not share the American belief in multiple attempts when it comes to marriage. “You know we Americans often try two or three times to get it right.” My host broke out into a rolling round of morning laughter. And so did I.

- Gayle Tzemach